


Balance

by Kaurudim



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Post-Kingdom Hearts III
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 16:44:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4571988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaurudim/pseuds/Kaurudim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xehanort and his new Organization have been put to rest, and those involved in the final war are slowly starting to pick up the pieces and return to a life of peace and relative happiness.  Sora, however, still has some things to figure out about his heart and those connected to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1: Beginning

Sora had never had the chance to explore Yen Sid’s tower the few times he was there before, as matters were usually much too serious to allow for something so playful.  But now that Sora was returning to the tower more often for Keyblade training, he came to be more familiar with its layout and the strange rooms it held within.  Sora was convinced the sense of scale on the inside didn’t actually fit his first perceptions of the tower from the outside, but who was he to question things when a wizard did them?

One such room was the size of a small gym with a single viewing balcony on the east side.  He remembered Yen Sid introducing the room to them as a place to train more complex Keyblade maneuvers and, as he later put it, “to remove oneself from frustrations–after all, this tower is quite capable of repairing itself.”

Here is where Sora found himself now, embroiled in the most grueling task he’s convinced he’s ever had to perform.

For what he was sure was the five hundredth time, he lost his footing and fell.  This time it was on his left elbow, which brought forth a yelp Sora wasn’t sure he had ever heard come out of his own mouth before.  He gingerly moved to sit on the floor, careful not to move his arm lest it send  _more_ shockwaves of pain to his brain.

“Riku–”

“No.”

“Awww come on, I never even said anything!”  Sora forced himself up, still mindful of his arm, and slowly walked towards Riku.

“Still no.”

Sora could hear Kairi laughing quietly from the balcony and shot her a quick glance, which only increased the volume.  Which  _then_ got Riku to start doing something Sora could only call “giggling”; to his benefit, he managed to (mostly) stop as soon as Sora looked back in his direction.

Now in front of Riku, Sora tried to cross his arms…but stopped when his arm felt like a five ton bronze bell sounded, and left his arms hanging at his side.  "Is this really necessary?“

Riku shifted his weight, right hand on his hip.  "Sora, you have the worst balance I have ever seen.  It’s a wonder you’ve managed to last this long.  When I so much as tap you with a pencil you’re liable to fall over." 

"So?”  Sora protested.  "That doesn’t mean–“

Riku lightly bopped Sora on the head.  "Being in control of your body while you have extra weight like the Keyblade is important.  One wrong move and you could be taken advantage of.”  He sighed and shifted his weight again, this time letting his own arms hang to mirror Sora.  "You still…haven’t gotten used to it.  To being without–“

"Yeah, yeah, I know.”  Sora had a rather difficult look to him, eyebrows scrunched up and a small pout on his lips, his eyes refusing to linger at any one point for too long.

“Come on Sora, you have to listen to Master Riku.  Master Riku knows best, after all.”

Riku’s strangled cry to Kairi’s proclamation near physically jerked his head up to Kairi’s direction, and watching her barely-contained laughter lifted a small weight.  But it was turning around to look at Riku himself that helped clear his head completely.

Sora didn’t like missing out on Riku accidentally peaking out of this shell he had built for himself.  Neither Sora nor Kairi knew why so much of it still existed, but they made a small promise in secret in one of the tower’s many rooms that they would do what they could to make him miserable today so he would be happy outside that cage tomorrow.

And spotting the red on Riku’s ears, it’s clear he nearly missed it.  So he just looked at Riku’s face, a small smile growing into a full-blown grin.

“Ahhh yes, of course, Kairi.  I should heed Master Riku’s words.  You are entirely correct about Master Riku’s wisdom.  I’m sorry, Master Riku.  I will never doubt you again.”

As Sora continued his not-at-all-apologetic tirade, Riku’s face completed the transition from mildly put off to full-blown embarrassment.  He very slowly and shakily brought his hands to his face as his body sagged, letting out something between a sob and strangled laughter.  All he could manage was a very quiet “Y-you  _idiots_ …” before he was lost entirely in a sea of blush-red.

Sora was doubled over in laughter, attempting a peak at Riku’s face all the while. (Riku, for his part, was equally trying to do everything in his power to make sure Sora would never be able to get a good look).  On the balcony, Kairi could barely stand; she fell to her knees, one hand still on the balcony bar while another clutched at her chest as if trying to prevent all the air she had in her body from escaping through the laughter (and, by the look of her, she wasn’t exactly succeeding).

“Kairi! You gotta get down here!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen Riku this r….ah.”  Sora stopped, his eyes darting in barely noticeable arcs around no fixed point as his right hand slowly rose to grab the cloth above his heart.

Kairi slowly stood up, poising herself as if ready to jump.  Riku immediately came out from under his hands, staring at Sora as if he was about to break.

When Sora became  _Sora_ again, when the ties were finally broken…neither Riku nor Kairi wanted a repeat of what happened those few months previous.

After shaking his head, Sora took in a measured breath and let it out slowly.  He brought his right hand up to scratch at the back of his head and laughed quietly.  "Sorry about that.  I guess you haven’t seen me do that before.“

"Before…?”  Riku closed the distance between himself and Sora and placed a hand over Sora’s heart.

“Yeah.  Though I know why, so you guys don’t need to worry about it.”

“Hmm.  You feel okay.  So,” Riku pulled his hand back and crossed his arms.  "Explain.“

"I don’t think he has to.” Kairi, leaned over the window by the balcony entrance, suddenly replied in Sora’s stead.  She made sure she had gotten Sora and Riku’s attention before continuing.  "Sora…Roxas and Xion just arrived.  But I get the feeling…“

"You knew that already.” Riku completed Kairi’s thoughts and looked back to Sora.  Meanwhile, Sora was rather determined to avoid their gazes.  "You’re still connected to them, then?“

Sora scratched his head in thought.  "I’m not actually sure.  I guess that’s the best way to put it, though.”

“Ah!  Aaaah, finally!”

“…Kairi?”

“ _Lea’s here_.”

Sora’s eyes narrowed in confusion as he stared at Kairi.  They managed to get even narrower when he heard Riku laughing beside him.

“You’re really hurting for a rematch, huh?”

“A rematch?”

Kairi marched away from the window towards the edge of the balcony and summoned her Keyblade, aiming it at Riku and Sora as if she was giving a lecture.

“He beat me last time using a dirty trick!” she proclaimed, emphasizing  _dirty trick_ with a couple of well-placed Keyblade swings.  "There’s no way I’m gonna lose to him this time!“

She turned to the window, took in as much air as her lungs would allow, and doubled over as she shouted, "LEA!  I’M COMING FOR YOU, SO YOU BETTER BE READY,” and ran out the balcony exit.

The boys were already amused, but finally let out their laughter when they heard a muffled “Are you  _five_?!” from outside the window.

“So, Ma–ummm, just Riku.  I’m probably gonna head out as well.”

The look Riku gave Sora wasn’t dissimilar to the kinds he got way back when on the island when Sora would sleep through building the raft.

“Hey now, what’s that look for!”  Again, Sora went to cross his arms, but instead hissed in pain when the forgotten bruise forced his entire body to jump.

Looking at Sora, Riku grabbed his own arm in reflex.  "Yeah, we should probably take a break.“

Sora grinned, starting his run towards the door backwards.  "Who said I was taking a break?  I’m gonna go work on my balance!”


	2. Part 2: Xion

The first place Sora thought to look was right outside the tower’s front door.  Since Roxas and the others had just arrived, Sora had hoped to run into them.  Hoping to get there before Kairi caused an inevitable scatter, he bounded through the halls of the tower and jumped down the stairs three at a time–

–only to nearly run into Xion on the way out the front door.

Thankfully, she managed to avoid him, swinging around the entrance from the outside to allow for Sora to nearly fall through _that_ instead.

“Sora!  You seem in quite the hurry.”

“Ah…sorry about that.  You okay?”

Xion brought her hand up to her mouth in laughter.  “Of course I’m fine,” she replied, and leaned in on her tiptoes to give Sora a small kiss on his cheek.

With the kiss came an odd sensation in Sora’s head, a tingling feeling…no, maybe it was better described as some kind of static.  Through it, he felt as though he could almost hear some kind of whisper, like an unsaid hello.  It was a sensation that always accompanied Xion’s presence, and Sora was still in the process of understanding what it meant.  All he could figure for now was that it put Xion’s and his thoughts in contact with each other if one of them wanted it enough, and their memories even when they weren’t aware of it.

“So what brings you here?  It’s been a while since I’ve seen you!"  Sora moved himself aside and, with grand movements, allowed Xion to pass into the tower’s entryway.

"Ah, well, Lea asked Master Yen Sid to let him know when you’d be visiting."  Xion clasped her hands behind her back and strolled around the entryway.  "We had tried visiting a few times before, but you were never here.”

Sora leaned against the stair railing and, this time not forgetting about the rather egregious injury on his arm, opted to bring his right arm across his chest to grab his left.  “…yeah, I was off visiting other worlds.”

“Searching for something…or rather, some _one_?"  Xion’s smile, while kind, also had the hints of some kind of sadness.  Sora could feel the static jumping in his brain again, and it wasn’t too hard to figure out what was going on from there.

Sora just laughed and shrugged.  "Why ask when you already know?  You’re still pretty in-tune with my memories, it seems.”

Xion kicked a bit at the ground as she walked, a sad smile gracing her features.  “He can feel you too, you know.  It’s hard to chase after someone when stealth isn’t an option.”

“I wouldn’t need to try being stealthy if he would just come see me more often…and then I could see you and Lea more often, because I wouldn’t be traveling off to find him!"  Sora shuffled over to the bottom of the staircase and sat on the bottom step, holding his head in his hand.  "Why is Roxas…why is he being so…”

“Stupid?” Xion offered.

“Well _that’s_ kind of mean, isn’t it?”

Xion simply smiled again and quietly walked over to Sora.  She playfully ruffled his hair (“Hey!”) and moved to sit beside him.  Her face clouded over, lips pursed, before finally letting out a sigh and letting her head fall against Sora’s shoulder.

“It took a while, but Roxas finally told Lea and I why he had been avoiding you.  He was afraid that you’d resent him."  She shook her head, shaking Sora’s body with it.  Her eyes peaked through her hair at Sora’s face.  "You two feel each other more strongly than Ventus or I can, more wholly…but I guess sometimes that’s more of a drawback.  Lea seems to think that…that _Roxas_ is ignoring things he’s feeling through that connection, or is mistaking them for something else.”

Xion grew quiet again, but Sora still didn’t move; something about the static told him she still had more to say, but didn’t know if she should actually say it.

“You don’t have to tell me, you know.”

She shook her head again and continued after a deep breath.  “I…what I think, is Roxas has become conflicted.  Confused, even.  I’m not sure Lea is entirely wrong, but I also think there’s something else there.  Maybe it’s because Roxas is closer to you than I or Ventus are, and has shared more with you, but…well, he just isn’t sure anymore.  About…about who he is.  Or who he _should_ be.”

As Xion explained this to him, Sora hadn’t once moved his eyes from the ground.  He brought the hand that had been supporting his head down to his chest, grasping at the cloth there.

“So…that’s what all that was.”

Xion raised her head slightly, now looking more directly at Sora’s darkened eyes.  Her eyes were an almost bitter cold as they carefully examined his features.  “Could you feel him?”

A quiet nod, and a slow sigh.

Xion smiled sadly and lowered her head again with an extra nudge.  “Oh, Sora…” she whispered, barely audible even to him.  Xion’s tongue curled in her mouth and knocked against her teeth, but she refused to open her mouth to say any more on the matter.

“I told you he was stupid,” she finally said, resignation barely coloring her voice.

Sora finally managed a small laugh.  “ _Really_ stupid.  Jeez…ah, but.  What about Lea?”

“Oh, him?" 

Xion’s sudden enthusiastic laughter caught Sora off guard.  He twisted his body slightly, careful not to dislodge Xion from her position, to get a better look at her.

"Well, Kairi came running out the entrance, and Lea–”

A sound of an explosion from the distance.  Xion and Sora’s heads jerked towards each other, and then towards the direction of the noise.  Just outside the entrance, down the path, they could hear screaming.

 _“Man, could you cut it out already!  Don’t you want a witness?  You know, just in case you_ do _happen to win?  You’re gonna have to convince people something like that actually happened, after all.”_

 _“I’m not sure I want a witness for what I’m about to do to you!  How_ dare _you pull that trick on me again!”_

It took all of ten seconds for Sora and Xion to properly process what they had just heard.  They turned their heads towards each other ever so slowly before suddenly, uproariously, laughing so hard the echoes could be heard threefold.

“I’m a little afraid to head out there.” Sora stood up, reaching a hand out to Xion.

“Going to look for Roxas, then?"  She accepted his hand and stood as well, squeezing his hand a little tighter.

Sora’s sigh slid into a small laugh, and he tightened his grip on Xion’s hand for just a second before letting go.  "Yeah.  I’d be slacking off if I didn’t.”

“Slacking off?"  Xion tilted her head in slight confusion before laughing herself. "Ahh, I see…I see.  Good luck, then.  I’ll go report to Riku that you aren’t slacking off!"  With a mock solute, Xion skipped up the stairs and out of Sora’s sight.

With a rather dreadful glance at the door, Sora ventured outside.  As he left, Xion descended the stairs again, watching Sora’s figure disappear as he exited the tower and the doors shut behind him.

” _So_ stupid…“ she muttered, turning around and away from the doors, and from Sora.


	3. Part 3: Ventus

The first few steps outside the front door were actually rather frightening for Sora.  But by the time he had fully emerged from the entryway, the sounds of explosions and screams of anger had ceased, to which Sora responded with a rather thankful sigh.

From the entrance Sora had a rather clear view of all the land in front of the tower, and there was no one in sight.  He wandered in circles for a few minutes before he felt the liquid silk engulf his heart once again, allowing the daze to start his journey to the back gardens.

The gardens had always been at the tower, but Sora had never thought to visit them, as before a few months ago they had been rather bare.  Aqua, though, in her desire for a quiet place of meditation and reflection, received Yen Sid’s permission to renovate them.  In the middle was a small round fountain with enough room for just over 10 people all around to sit on it’s edges and dip their hands or feet in the cool springs.  Seeds from various flowers and herbs had been picked up from all over the worlds by the usual visitors to the tower, and Aqua and Kairi had spent a few days planting and arranging them.  Through Yen Sid and Aqua’s magic, the plants were kept ever-healthy, and the fountain was always running.  Even Sora found himself attracted to the bubbling sound of the water, finding the low noise filled up something inside him that felt far too empty.

Which is why now, despite knowing that the person he felt arriving in the garden wasn’t Roxas, he continued his trek towards the garden, hoping the calming atmosphere would give him ideas about how to find and then talk to him.

Not to mention the visitor himself.  Sora had more than a few questions for him.

As he closed the distance between himself and the gardens, he could hear smatterings of conversation, which only served to confirm his already rather solid suspicions about the visitors.

“That was a bit of a rough trip. Are you okay, Ven?”

“Jeez, Aqua, I’m not gonna break. I’m okay now.”

Sora heard lots of fussing and some bits and pieces of scoffing and laughter. He had stopped around the corner from the gardens, just out of sight, though it took him a few more bits of conversation for him to properly realize why.

He brought his hand up to his face slowly, confirming that he had indeed started smiling. And then he brought his hand to his heart. Like with Xion, Sora could only describe it as a static. But rather than the static feeling like small whispers at the back of his head, it felt more like weak echoes at the back of his heart. Pure feelings—happiness or sadness or anger—could be felt between them when they were strong enough.

Sora was still around the corner from the gardens when the conversation suddenly halted, and he heard a bright voice whisper his name.

“Sora’s nearby…and he’s…”

“…Ven?”

The small, almost humble happiness Sora was already feeling grew into something much stronger when Ventus realized exactly where Sora was. But that only made Sora grip at his chest tighter, because he could also feel an undercurrent of something else.

_He knows…_

“Sora! Come out from over there! We haven’t seen each other in weeks!” Ventus shouted, far more enthusiastic than Aqua was sure she had ever seen him. After weeks of lethargy (not to mention a decade of sleep), Aqua felt as though she would never grow accustomed to watching him move around so energetically.

In response to Ventus’s plea, Sora slowly peaked around the corner, his hand scratching the back of his head, and finally came out with a weak laugh. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to hide…it just sort of happened. Hello, Master Aqua. Ven.”

Ventus and Sora met each other halfway, and Ventus quickly ran a hand through Sora’s hair. He threw his arm around Sora’s back and squeezed his shoulder, then all but dragged him in Aqua’s direction. This was something that had happened before—their first waking moments after the separation were rather energetic and vivid before all went to hell—but something definitely felt different. The way Ven’s arm laid on his shoulders, the angle of Sora’s eyes as he looked at his face…

“You…did you get taller?!”

Ven’s laugh was pure unadulterated joy, and Sora could feel a sincere happiness rippling in his chest. “I have! Aqua’s changed a bit as well. Even Terra! Despite…well. Aqua understands this better than I do, though.” The two stopped in front of Aqua, who hadn’t stopped smiling. “Though never mind that for now–”

“No! I mind it!” Sora interjected. He’s cheeks were puffed up and he was glaring at the now-taller Ventus, though more confused than annoyed.

Aqua, still grinning, finally broke her silence.  “We’re not entirely sure what’s going on, but it’s possible our bodies are trying to catch us up.”

“Catch you up?”

“We’ll never be able to be our ‘true’ ages,” Ventus continued, removing his arm from around Sora, “but for right now, it looks like our bodies are trying to at least get us to some kind of physical maturity.”

Sora buried his hands in his pockets, swaying back and forth as he took all this information in.  “I wonder how much taller than me you’re gonna be…”

“I _am_ a decade older than you, you know.  Besides!  You’ve still got time to grow.  I’m sure you’ll be able to catch up to Riku and I. You could even overtake us!"  Ventus lightly nudged Sora’s right shoulder.  Sora, for his part, was stuttering.

"I–what do you mean!  That’s not–aw man, stop laughing!”

Aqua and Ventus’s shared look and shared laughter drove Sora to frustration, but he too finally gave in and joined their laughter as well.

“By the way, Sora."  Ventus leant back from Sora and twisted to get a better at the other side of Sora’s body.  Sora could tell exactly where he was looking at.  "Shouldn’t you do something about your arm?  That bruise…doesn’t look very pleasant.”

“I can heal it for you?” Aqua offered, already prepared to summon her Keyblade.

Sora raised his hands to stop her and stood back a bit.  “Ah, sorry.  This…probably sounds really weird, but could you leave it for now?  I’ll make sure to do something about it later, but for now…”

Aqua lowered her arm and stared at the bruise from the corner of her eyes, which had narrowed in a combination of confusion and worry.  She opened her mouth as if to protest, but Ventus’s barely noticeable nod stopped her.

“Um, so…if you guys have come to visit Yen Sid’s tower, then…"  Sora faltered.  There were so many things he wanted to ask about, but the topics were so sensitive he wasn’t sure if going on was the best decision.

Aqua clasped her hands in front of her, taking a deep breath and returning Sora’s questioning look with a small smile.  "Yes.  We’ve come to let Master Yen Sid know about Terra…and King Mickey as well, if he’s here today.”

Sora gripped his arm, still uncertain.  “How is he?”

Ventus answered in Aqua’s stead.  “Namine says the whole process is moving along much faster than she thought it would, but it’s still going to take a couple more months at best.”

“Good news, then.  But, why Castle Oblivion?  Didn’t that used to be your home world?" 

Aqua brought her hands to her chest and clenched her fists.  "I don’t want to see our home again until I’m sure all three of us can see it together.  So I want to wait.”

Sora closed his eyes slowly and thought about the Destiny Islands, and about how desperate he had been to return with both Riku and Kairi in tow…and how things kept happening to prevent that.  He completely understood Aqua’s desire.

But he also thought about Namine all but being trapped in Castle Oblivion all over again; and Terra, who was now trapped in his own mess of memories.  But still…there’s a future where they will be able to leave that place.

Whlie Sora was lost in thought, Ventus quietly turned to Aqua and gestured to Sora with his eyes.  There was an unsaid plea in his movements, and Aqua understood to leave them alone.

“I’m going to check on the flower beds around the garden.  Let me know if you need anything."  Aqua turned her back to them with a wave, and walked to the far end.  Meanwhile, Ventus motioned for Sora to walk with him towards the fountain, and then sat down on the white tile.  He patted the space next to him on the left, and Sora complied.

"Sora…you don’t feel right.”

“I’m not sure I am, to be honest.”

Sora had been feeling the static from Ventus since his arrival–for some reason, Ventus was quite willing to share tidbits of his emotions with Sora–but had kept himself as closed off from Ventus as he could. But he obviously hadn’t had much practice at it, since Ventus was still able to pick up some things from him.

He leaned back on the tile and faced the sky.  He breathed in deeply through his nose, lips pursed and eyes shut tight.

_One…two…_

He leaned forward abruptly as he let out the breath he had been holding, and any conscious defenses he had tried to put up were let down.

“Sora…"  Ventus swallowed.  He bit his lip and his eyes tightened while looking at and _feeling_ a Sora more vulnerable than he could remember.

 _Ah, but a part of him was always like this, wasn’t it?_ he reminded himself.  He was just so good at pushing it aside.

"I haven’t seen Roxas since waking up.  I woke up months ago, Ven.  I’ve seen you plenty, and I’ve seen Xion.  But Roxas…”

“Have you tried talking to Xion?  Given the relationship between the four of us, she might be the best one to ask for advice.”

Sora nodded slowly, still not straightening from his position.  “I did.  But I wanted to ask you something too.”

Fear and sadness wormed their way through the static to Ventus’s heart, and he quietly rubbed Sora’s back as he moved a little closer to Sora.

“Vanitas?”

“Vanitas.”

Ventus sighed wistfully.  “Our relationship was different, you know.”

“Yeah…but I figure it’s a good starting point."  He leaned his body in Ventus’s direction, nudging him to continue.

Ventus stopped rubbing his back for only a second to give him an exaggerated pat instead, sighing for the second time.  Talking about Vanitas was a lot harder for Ventus than he had ever imagined, and Sora could feel that through the static in his heart.  Anger and loneliness, with something else stirring underneath.  Something that strengthened the other two emotions, making them jump around through the cracks in the static and wreak havoc.

"Is that…regret?” Sora mused aloud.

“Vanitas was manipulated by Xehanort as much as the rest of us.  I just didn’t realize it until too late.”

Sora took a deep breath that moved his whole upper body and finally straightened his posture.  He turned on the tile, bring one leg up to fold in front of him so that he properly faced Ventus.  His right hand played around with the water in the fountain, feeling the ripples that bounced off the side.

“Will you tell me a bit about him?  At the time I thought the memories belonged to you…but now I think they might have been remnants of his.”

“That sounds about right."  Ventus also turned, mirroring Sora’s position by the fountain.  He gave Sora a small smile, and then gazed at the middle of the fountain.

"When I beat him, he didn’t disappear completely.  Not right at that moment.  But as my heart healed, he began disappearing so quickly, so _seamlessly_ , into my own heart…that I never gave it any real thought.  And then I started seeing his memories.  It was almost like…it was as if he wanted me to know these things before he was gone for good.”

Sora almost felt like he had trouble breathing.  He could hear the static in his ears, feel it in his gut, see it reflected in the fountain waters.

It was perforated with pain.

“Xehanort tricked him, took advantage of all the pain he felt by being separated from me…I was lucky to have you, Sora.  You fixed me.  But Vanitas wasn’t so lucky.”

Ventus slowly moved his left hand in the water, and Sora watched as his eyes followed the ripples until they slowly disappeared at the other edge of the pond.

“I understand now that he…he never really fought it."  He waved his other hand in the air dismissively.  "Yeah, there was the whole X-blade thing, but that’s only because of the lies Xehanort fed him.  When it was destroyed, when he finally entered my Station…he stopped.

"When I got my heart back and woke up and then when I–” he broke off with a laugh “–when I fell asleep _again_ , the memories he once held asserted themselves even stronger.  I was given the chance to feel him one last time…and to feel the mistake I made.”

Finally, Ventus brought his hand out of the fountain and turned to look at Sora.  When Sora looked up in turn, Ventus immediately flicked water in his face.  He jerked his head back and stared at Ventus in mild confusion.

“And this is why I told you our relationships are different.  Vanitas was ready to be whole with me again.  And I…as much as I want to convince myself otherwise, I didn’t view him as any better than a monster.  I didn’t care what happened to him, as long as it meant he disappeared.  I didn’t accept him as a real, living human being.  I damned him.”

Though he had listened quietly to all of Ventus’s story until this point, Sora couldn’t bear to do so now.  'No, Ven, that’s not–“

Ventus silenced Sora with a raised hand.  He lowered his eyes and shook his head very slowly.  As he put his hand back down into the fountain, he raised his head to look at Sora straight in the eyes.  "No, Sora.  No.  Accepting him and his pain would have given him a chance.  He lived and died in pain and loneliness…which is the exact opposite of the grace you gave Xion and Roxas.  You fought for them, even though they were content to be with you.  And because of that, they were saved.”

_'See?  That’s why it has to be you.’_

Sora shook his head and took in a quick breath.  Of all the things to remember…

“So,” Ventus continued, “that’s what I want you to think about.  The connection I have with Roxas is similar to the one I have with you.  Though I haven’t seen him personally, he has gone to Castle Oblivion to see Namine, so I’ve felt him.  Something tells me the way you see him is important in all of this.”

Sora lowered his head and shut his eyes.  He opened them only slightly to stare at the fountain, following the water’s arc as it curved in the air.  He wasn’t sure how long he stared out, trying not to think, before Ventus attacked him with a flick to the forehead.

“Okay? Promise me that you’ll think about it?”

“Yeah, I promise.  Just…"  Sora took yet another shaky breath and smiled painfully at Ventus.  "Just, for now, can we move to a different topic?  If we continue like this, my eyes might give this fountain a run for its money.”

Ventus’s eyebrows tightened, his mouth half-open, before he suddenly felt the laughter explode from his throat as if it wasn’t his own.  He only got louder at Sora’s protests, which then brought Sora to laughter as well.

They both had tears in their eyes.


	4. Part 4: Lea

Ventus and Sora managed to recover themselves from their laughter, quietly wiping the tears from their eyes and restarting the conversation on a slightly lighter note.  Ventus talked of his own recovery (“I was still really good at combat and walking around…but for some reason, I had to relearn how to hold a pencil.”), while Sora ranted about training (“Riku’s tough!  Though he knows what he’s doing.  Don’t get me started on Kairi and Lea, though, they’ve got the strangest rivalry I’ve ever seen.”).

The conversation continued in this fashion for a few more minutes, before Aqua decided it was safe to come back over–this time, with Lea in tow.

“So you managed to get away from Kairi?” Sora smirked.

Lea’s only response was to roll his eyes with a sigh.

Aqua, though, couldn’t help her curiosity.  “Get away from Kairi?”

Ventus and Sora shared a look and laughed.  “Apparently they have a rivalry going on."  Ventus offered, shaking his head.  He looked up at Lea.  "Looks like nothing’s changed.  Still as easy to beat as ever.”

Lea swayed with his hands on his hips and lowered his eyes to Ventus.  “Hey now, I thought you had it memorized?  I was just going easy on ya.”

“Yeah yeah, of course you were.”

Aqua made her presence physically known between the two boys and spared each a quick reproachful glance before turning her attention to Sora.  “So she’s still keeping up with her training?

Sora brought his hands behind his head with a smile.  "Yup!  She was a quick learner before, but the stuff she’s coming up with now is amazing.  Your extra training helped a lot, Master Aqua.”

In response to Sora’s words of praise, Aqua brought a hand to her heart and smiled fondly.  “I’m so proud of her.  I hope I’ll have time to see her while we’re here today…”

Lea interrupted with a scoff and crossed his arms.  “You might, if she wasn’t so hell-bent on getting me killed.”

The look Aqua gave him all but yelled “Well you must have done something to her, then.”

Sora glanced to the sky in thought.  “I remember Kairi saying something about you pulling some kind of trick on her.”

For the second time, Lea scoffed, this time adding a dismissive wave with his right hand.  “Oh, _please_.  I was simply being a tactician.  Fighting isn’t all about swinging your weapon around, you know.  Got it memorized?”

Upon hearing Lea’s oft-repeated catchphrase, the three couldn’t help but laugh a bit.  Sora stopped first, standing up and closing the distance between himself and Lea.

“Hey…can I talk to you for a bit?”

Lea and Aqua looked at Sora in confusion, but Ventus sighed behind him.  He, too, got up from his seat on the fountain and after a quick pat on Sora’s upper back, grabbed Aqua’s arm to leave.

“Hope you find what you’re looking for, Sora.”

Sora looked back to Ventus with a resolute nod.  “Yeah…thanks, Ven.”

Once Ventus and Aqua were far enough away, Sora returned to Lea with a motion to follow him towards a more secluded part of the garden.

“Hey, you feelin’ alright?  Something tells me the conversation you had with Ven before wasn’t all puppies and rainbows."  The concern in Lea’s voice wasn’t something he showed to just anyone, and Sora knew that well enough to respect that and be as frank as possible.

Sora walked into a corner with overhanging flower bushes and drooping trees, beckoning Lea to come in further as well.  When Sora sat himself on the ground, legs crossed, Lea followed suit.

"I wanted to ask you about Roxas…and some other things.”

“Figured that’s what it would be.  But first, here."  Lea brought around the small case he had been carrying with him and very carefully opened it.

”…wait, were you carrying that with you while Kairi was chasing after you?!  Jeez, that’s some diligence.“ Sora scooted closer to see what was inside the box.  ”…Lea.“

"Mmhm?"  Lea pulled out two of the items inside, and offered one to Sora.

"How much did all that ice cream cost?”

Lea laughed as he took the first bite of his own ice cream.  “Don’t you worry about that.  Xion, Roxas, and I have been getting ice cream so often for ourselves that we got quite the collection of Winner sticks.  Figured that since we were visiting after a while away, we’d bring a little gift.”

Sora stared at his own ice cream.  “Is it okay to eat these now, then?”

Lea leaned back on his free hand and waved his ice cream in Sora’s direction.  “Yeah, yeah, no problem.  There’s extras in here, so don’t worry about it.  So now, get to talkin’.  It’s not good to keep all that in there, you know.”

Quietly, Sora took a bite.  “So, I heard from Xion what Roxas told you guys…I just wanted to see if there was anything else I was missing.”

Lea nodded, staring at the patches of sky he could see through the tree branches.  “The poor kid looked really confused.  I get the feeling even Roxas wasn’t entirely sure about what he was saying.”

Sora’s eyebrows scrunched together, following Lea’s eyes and staring at the sky as well.  “I guess that’s why Xion’s opinion on the whole thing differed…”

“Ahh, you mean the confusion about who he is?  Yeah, Xion brought that up to me as well.  I don’t disagree with her, but…"  Lea trailed off, taking another bite of ice cream.  He glanced over at Sora, who looked back once he felt his eyes on him.  Lea quickly removed his eyes from Sora’s and stared down at his ice cream.

"Well,” he continued, quieter than was absolutely necessary, “I get the feeling there’s a lot of confusion going around, but I don’t think it’s my place to say.”

“But you’re his friend!  You’re _our_ friend!”

“And that’s exactly why I’m keepin’ my mouth shut."  Lea emphasized his decision with a snapping bite at his ice cream.  "If I step in and say what I’m sure is going on, nothing good will come of it.  This is _all_ about you two.”

Although he was a bit disappointed he couldn’t hear more about what Lea thought, Sora managed to gracefully accept what Lea _had_ been able to tell him and dropped the subject.

“Now, you said you had something else?”

“Yeah…well.  You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I wanted to know about ‘Lea’ and 'Axel’.”

Lea’s entire body froze.  The hand he was leaning on became stiff, and Sora could see his fingers dig into the dirt as his hand tried to curl in on itself.  He watched as Lea’s chest extended as far as it could go, eyes shut tight, and then returned to normal after holding the air for as long as he could without appearing abnormal.

“Okay.  Okay, somehow I felt like this conversation was a long time coming.  Too long.  You took too long, Sora.  I thought you’d ask this stuff before we finished with Xehanort.  Way to lure me into a sense of security.”

Sora let out a strangled laugh.  “I…thought about it.  But a lot of stuff happened and I never got the chance.  Sorry for bringing this up now, but–”

“Nah, it’s okay.  I’ll do this for you in lieu of an actual answer to your first question.  Might end up functioning the same way, after all."  Lea’s laugh had more than a few emotions behind it, and Sora couldn’t begin to figure out what kind of opinions he was hiding.

Sora moved from Lea’s side to sit in front of him.  He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them, though he made sure to keep his ice cream safe.  He took a small bite and let the ice cream melt in his mouth while he deliberated.

"So,” he finally began, swallowing the ice cream, “did you ever–do you still–feel…disconnected?  Hmm…yeah, I think disconnected is the right word.”

Lea’s eyebrows furrowed, and he titled his head a bit in thought.  His mouth moved in odd motions, pursing and straightening out as his eyes darted from branch to branch.  “Alright, before I answer, let me ask you something.  What about you and your little heart party?”

“H-heart party?  …Oh."  Sora tilted his head.  He thought about each individual in turn, and as he finished his thought about each he took a bite of ice cream.

"Well, Ventus is connected to my heart.  He’s always been his own person, though.  Xion…Xion is connected to my memories, but the Organization used her as a container for them.  So she was her own person who was made to resemble me by them.  And Roxas…” Here Sora stopped, taking a moment to mull over his thoughts once more.  “Roxas was my Nobody.  But now he’s his own person.  All of them are.”

Axel nodded slowly, and there was a small smile on his face.  He couldn’t stop himself from letting out a small  _Aha_.  But he left it at that, not bothering to explain the reasoning to Sora.  “I see.  That’s…well, anyway.  Now to answer your question.  Short answer, no.  Long answer, yes.”

In response to Lea’s answer, Sora’s nose scrunched and his eyes narrowed.  He stared at Lea until their eyes finally met, at which point he tersely nodded his head.  “Well, keep going,” it seemed to say.

Lea took the final bite of ice cream and after expressing mild disappoint that it wasn’t a Winner stick, set it aside.  “I have a lot of memories of Axel–that’s bound to happen, right?  I am his complete person, after all.  There were a lot of things that _Axel_ did that I’m not sure _Lea_ would have done, though.”

Sora didn’t need to be told which things Lea was referring to.

“So when I think of those things, when I frame it as _I did it_ , something just isn’t right, you know?  It’s like I’m watching these things being done on some big screen while sitting in a comfy chair, but the chair is also in the big screen.  Or…or like I’m _being_ moved, rather than actually doing the moving.  Tch, this is too confusing to think about…"  Lea scratched at his head in frustration and suddenly fell backwards, arms splayed out.

Sora was about to move to his side to get a better view of him, but Lea’s next words stopped him in his tracks.

"But Roxas, man…and Xion, too.  When I think about those two, and the times we spent together–when I say to myself _I did it_ –nothing feels more right."  He broke off with a laugh, slapping a hand to his forehead.  "See, I even did it there.  'Times _we_ spent together’…oh boy.  Ah, no, no talking from you, I’m not done yet.”

Sora didn’t exactly appreciate being suddenly cut off like that, so he had opened his mouth again to protest.  Lea responded by forcing himself up and clapping a hand over Sora’s mouth to prevent him from speaking.  He rose the pointer finger of his free hand as if giving him a lecture.

“See, those memories of Axel’s were the most important to _him_.  But they also resonated with Lea.  And that’s why: short answer, no.

” _However,_ those other things Axel did he did willingly, whether or not he hated them.  The ones that were for _his_ friends, _I_ also understand.  But the ones that he did for other reasons…well, whether or not they didn’t jive with Lea doesn’t matter, because is it really possible to say it still wasn’t _me_?“

Lea slowly removed his hand from Sora’s mouth, now sure that Sora wouldn’t interrupt him.  Sora’s eyes were unfocused and far away; all he could do now was to focus on really _listening_ to what Lea was saying in the hopes he could achieve some kind of understanding.

"So…?”

“ _So_ , whether or not Lea feels a disconnect to him, Axel was still Lea.  He is still me, just a part of personality that is removed from other parts that didn’t exactly transfer over.  He’s all the cognition, without the feeling.  He’s…."  Lea broke off, sighing as he slowly nodded his head while staring off into space.  "It’s like, you could say Axel did those things because was under Xemnas or Xehanort’s thumb, yeah?  Well, could you not say the same for me?”

“Could you?” Sora wondered aloud.

“You might, but no one knows that, because Lea was never under anyone’s thumb.  You can’t know if Lea would have done those things as well if he _was_ under someone’s thumb–can’t know how similar or not they are, or where they differ.  And that’s why the long answer is _hell yes_.” Lea threw up his hands in resignation and fell on his back once again.  This time, though, his arms remained up, as if trying to grab the stars.

“Sorry to bring up such a weird subject, Lea."  Sora finally moved, crawling over to Lea’s side and looking at his face.  Lea’s jaw was set and his lips tight; his eyes were staring at his hands as they played at plucking the stars out of the sky.  After a few minutes of this, he shook his head slowly.

"This might have actually helped, to be honest.  I’ve never talked about this with anyone.  Roxas and Xion might have some understanding of it, but it’s a bit different from the view of a Nobody.  You, though…” Lea trailed off and glanced at Sora from the corner of his eyes.  “You get it, even if you couldn’t put it in words.  I can see it in your eyes.  Yours might be a lot worse, though.  For that, at least, I should be thankful.”

Sora shook his head in response and stared at Lea with bright eyes.  “No, I don’t think that’s right.  You have to deal with this for the rest of your life.”

“Oho? And you don’t?"  He swung his arms to gain momentum and in a single movement stood up.  He brushed the grass and dirt from his clothes, grabbed the case of ice cream, and started walking out of the small corner of the garden they were in.  "Heh, there really is quite bit of confusion going on here.”

“Wha–”

“Just think about it for me, will ya?  Oh…and could you _do_ something about Kairi?  Last I saw her she was still livid.  If she continues like that for much longer her head’ll explode.”

Sora stood up very slowly, his eyes never leaving Lea’s too-smirky-face.  He had seen that kind of smile before, on Axel and Lea alike, and every time it showed up there was always some kind of secret or trouble behind it.  “I’ll…do that.”

Lea thanked Sora with a wave and leisurely walked away.  Sora remained there until long after Lea was gone.

“Confusion…?"  Sora took one last bite out of his ice cream and stared down at the stick to see WINNER written in bold black lettering.  There was a pang of something deep in the back of his heart, but Sora mentally–almost unconsciously–shook it off.

What could he be confused about?


	5. Interlude: Who Knows the Heart

Lea meandered back to the gardens with no particular goal in mind.  Though as soon as he saw Ventus sitting at the fountain alone, he had a sudden (and understandable) urge to rant.

“Yo.”

“Ah, Lea…based on your expression, you had quite the conversation with Sora.”

Lea rolled his eyes with a forced laugh and plopped himself down beside Ventus, placing the case he was holding at his feat.  He let out a heavy sigh and turned to Ventus with exaggerated motions.

“He’s an idiot.”

Ventus laughed through his nose and rubbed his hand on his face.  “Isn’t that a bit too strong?”

“Nope.  Idiot.”

“He just doesn’t _know_ ,” Ventus protested, lightly slapping Lea on the shoulder.  “We’ve all only been awake for a few months now, and Roxas hasn’t been around for any of it.  Sora hasn’t been able to spend time with him to…figure all this out.”

“I agree with Ventus on this one, Lea…though I also think they’re both idiots.”

Ventus raised his head to the owner of the voice, now slowly walking towards them with her hands behind her back.  Lea didn’t bother, only responding with yet another sigh.

“Isn’t that taking no one’s side?” Lea scoffed.

“No, not quite,” Xion countered.  She sat on the ground in front of Lea and Ventus, stretching her legs out to meet the fountain tile.  “They don’t know how to deal with it.  Roxas is the most aware of it, so he keeps running away, thinking that giving Sora space will help him figure it out.  But that just means Sora doesn’t know how to deal with it, only making things worse.”

Ventus crossed his arms and leaned them on his knees.  He looked back and forth between Lea and Xion, watching as they had a small and very serious staring contest.  He chewed on his lip as he mulled over his words.  “It seems like you both are approaching this from different ways, but I’m not sure if an answer will come from either of those alone.”

The two in question broke their eye contact at the same time, this time staring at Ventus with rather confused expressions.

Ventus nearly bowed under the pressure, but managed to clear his throat and continue.  “Xion, you seem to have your own ideas about Sora from the view of a Nobody.  And Lea…you seem to have ideas about Sora from the perspective of a ‘somebody’.  I don’t know the details, but…well, are they really all that different?  Does it have to be one, and not the other?”

Xion and Lea looked at Ventus, then each other, and then back at Ventus.

“Just,” Ventus finished, slightly exasperated, “in one sentence, what do you think?”

They looked at Ventus in confusion, but then shrugged and decided to say their opinions simultaneously.

“Roxas thinks he’s caused Sora to think of Roxas as him.”

“Sora is lying to himself about viewing Roxas as his own person.”

Immediately after the last word was spoken, Xion and Lea shook their heads in confusion, and stared at each other again.  Ventus could only let out a defeated laugh as he buried his face in his hands.

Lea was the first one able to regain use of his words.  “So…wait.  They aren’t that different.  The idea is, essentially, the same.  But…”

“There _is_ a difference.  And it’s an important one.  I wonder which it is…” Xion continued, bringing her hand up to her chin and scrunching her eyebrows in thought.

“Still, the outcome is the same, isn’t it?” Lea crossed his arms and stared into space.  “It still means Sora’s confused as all hell.”

Xion nodded quietly.  “And I think Sora…thinks that the confused one is actually Roxas.”

“You say that as if Roxas himself isn’t confused.  You saw the way he was when he finally came forward.  This is screwing those two over big time.  The problem is just about the source…who’s the one at 'fault’ here?  Jeez, this is some kind of chicken and egg problem…”

Ventus closed his eyes and let himself be taken in by the sound of the fountain, the heated conversation Xion and Lea were having fading into the background.  Vanitas’s memories seemed to be projected on his eyelids, muted and discolored.  He saw them whenever he closed his eyes, whenever he let his defenses down.  But these memories that used to anger him now only inspired a sense of loss, and a feeling of confusion that could never be answered.

“He has a lot to think about,” Ventus finally whispered.  He just hoped that, unlike himself, Sora would be able to find the right balance.


	6. Part 5: Riku

Sora slowly, aimlessly, walked out of the corner of the garden.  His eyes were trained on the ground, still mulling over Lea’s words.  When he heard vague sounds that dimly registered as words, he finally lifted his head to see that Lea had joined Ventus by the fountain.  He entertained the notion of joining them, but decided against it; there were other things he still had to do.

He decided to complete a round-trip around the castle, passing through what was less a garden and more a very small forest.  He continued in this way, rolling Lea’s words around his tongue and repeating them in his head over and over again, until he rounded the corner–

–and walked straight into Riku.

“Ah…Riku?  Sorry ‘bout that."  Sora scratched at the back of his head sheepishly, determined to put everything else to the side for now.

Riku simply replied by quirking an eyebrow and staring at Sora with something akin to skepticism, but let it slide.  "No problem.  But aren’t you supposed to be practicing your balance?  That’s what you told me when you ran off earlier.”

“Hey!  I’ll have you know I haven’t been slaaaaaaa _ooh_ that was a bad idea."  Sora had moved to point his left arm, but the sudden action agitated the injury and sent a flurry of sparks up his nerves with new-found vigor.  He brought it back to his own body gingerly, bringing his right hand over as if to protect it

Or hide it, which is what Riku was sure Sora was doing.  But he had managed to get a peak at the frankly impressive bruise that decorated his elbow, and Riku couldn’t help but to wince and grab his own arm in sympathy.  "Ouch…nevermind, take a break.  Also, shouldn’t you get that looked at?  I think I have a spare Potion on me–”

“Aaaaah no no no!  Leave it!”

“Leave it?!  Sora, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a bruise have that many colors before!  You must have hit that with all your weight and then some!"  Riku shifted his weight in Sora’s direction and crossed his arms.  He shifted his eyes between Sora’s own, and the now-concealed bruise.

Sora sighed and shifted his own weight away from Riku.  If he didn’t do something, Riku would definitely try to heal the bruise.

…Well, Riku was as good a person as any to talk to after the confuse-fest Lea left him with.

"Never mind that for now!  I have a question!  Please answer it!”

“Sora, I’m not just gonna 'never mind’ it, are you kidding!  Here, just come here so I can–”

“Ansem.”

Riku’s arms twitched, and his footing faltered.  His breathing became very regular–too regular, Sora thought–and his head lowered as his gaze slid to the side.  He shook his head and knitted his eyebrows together, but didn’t move beyond that.

Sora squeezed his left arm, sending a few jolts of pain up his arm.  He deserved that much for being so dirty about the whole thing.

“Sorry, but…um.  I never asked…and _my_ memories about the whole thing are kinda…well.  But I wanted to ask…about the kinds of things you had to deal with when I was asleep.”

It took a while for Sora’s words to really penetrate, but when they finally did Riku straightened up and his eyes widened.  The stare he gave Sora caused the latter to falter back a bit, and Riku didn’t miss the way Sora squeezed his left arm.

“Ah, I…Sorry!  I probably shouldn’t have even bothered asking.  I’m just gonna–”

“Why?"  Riku’s voice was quiet, not quite a whisper, but it held all the reverence of one.  "I don’t mind telling you.  A lot has happened since then.  But…why?”

Sora finally released the grip on his arm, only this time it was in favor of wringing his hands together.  He bit at his lip and had a hard time looking at Riku for more than a few seconds before he had to glance away.

“I told you, didn’t I?” He finally responded.  “I wanted to work on my balance.”

Riku looked on at Sora in confusion.  “Balance…?”

Sora answered with a slow and subdued nod.

Riku tried to work through what had happened earlier to inspire the initial declaration.

“Ah…I think I get it.  You two still haven’t really worked it out?”

“I’m still not sure what is even supposed to be worked out.”

“This is a bit different than what I had in mind."  Riku crossed his arms, an amused smile on his face.

"Hey, you were the one that said I still wasn’t used to my body after the split!” Sora retorted, mirroring Riku’s pose with barley a wince.  “Soooo I figured that if I did something about this, then that problem would be fixed too!”

Riku rubbed his hand across his forehead with a small laugh followed by a sigh of resignation.  “Okay, I get _that_.  But why do you want to know about Ansem?  And about what I was up to while you were asleep?”

Sora turned his back a bit and walked towards the tower wall.  “Well, Ansem was in your heart, and he had your body for a short time.  And…from bits and pieces I was able to pick up, you were always aware that his shadow was still there, part of you.  So…”

“You wonder how much I felt _him_ as _me_ ,” Riku continued, following Sora to the tower wall and sliding down to sit in the ground.  “I was just a heart in the realm of darkness, and it was my body that was doing all the work…huh, sounds kind of familiar.  Doesn’t it, Sora?”

Sora chewed on his lip and was looking everywhere at once.  “Well, I mean.  Hmm, I wonder?"  He trailed off with a weak laugh that ended in one of the longest sighs Riku had ever heard.

"Please help me, Riku.”

“It’s different, you know.”

“Everyone is different.  I’m starting to see that now.  But still, please help me, Riku.”

When Sora turned to face Riku, the face Riku saw was one that had finally been stripped of the usual signs of smiles and laughter.  Riku could see slight bags under Sora’s eyes, and even the little wrinkles he was now sporting on his forehead were signs that he had given almost too much thought to his predicament.  His eyes were still bright, however; they shone with the hope that something could come out of even the most unexpected or unrelated places.

“Alright,” Riku sighed.  He shifted himself a bit to get more comfortable and stretched out his left leg.  His right leg remained bent, and Riku leaned on it slightly.

Sora brought both of his legs up and brought his arms around them, leaning his face on his knees and looking at Riku’s eyes, which had shut.

The silence stretched for minutes.  Sora wanted to give Riku time to think, but knew that the time he did have was limited.  Just as he went to break it, however, Riku broke it first.

“Roxas came _from_ you, so there are some things I won’t be able to give you insight on.  Because Ansem…Xehanort’s Heartless…he was like a virus.  He attacked me, swallowed me up.  And a part of him will always remain."  Riku gripped at his chest.

"But, didn’t Ansem the Wise’s machine sort of fix that?”

Riku nodded, though confusion warped his features.  “For the most part, yeah.  But the part that remains isn’t really _him_ , specifically…no, it’s more like his influence.  That’s why I’ll always carry him with me.”

He finally turned to look at Sora directly, and the latter was taken aback at the small smile on his face.  “But right now, despite everything he put me through, I’m not so sure it’s such a terrible thing anymore.  He showed me the weakness I refused to see in myself, and I became stronger because of it.  And it was because of him, I was able to look at darkness as something much more than what other Keyblade wielders saw it as.”

“…and that’s why you’re the Master, huh?”

Sora’s aimless whisper caught Riku off-guard.  His eyes examined Sora all over–for what specifically, he didn’t know–but he did know the smile Sora was wearing, and the way his eyes shone, telegraphed that something wasn’t entirely alright.

In response to Riku’s piercing gaze Sora lowered his head so that his face wasn’t visible.  He gripped at his left elbow again.

_Was this…maybe this was what Lea was talking about. Am I confused, or am I refusing to see something?  But what….?_

_'Sora?’_

He closed his eyes.  His heart was being gripped tight, but it wasn’t painful.  It felt more like…like the reassuring grip Xion had given him, or those pats on the back Ven had given him.  For the first time in a long time ( _Since…since I’ve woken up…_ ), he could feel something bubbling inside of him, lazily filling in crevices he wasn’t even aware were empty.  But for some reason, it felt like something was holding it back.  What…or who?

“Roxas…?”

Sora lifted his head and slowly opened his eyes, trying with all his might not to lose this sensation.  It was clearer than he had ever felt.  There was no static here.

But it was lost when he felt a calloused hand softly land on his right arm.

“Sora, you okay?  You seem out of it.”

Sora shook his head so hard the rest of his body followed suit.  He quickly brought his hands up to wipe away at his face– _Tears? But why?_ –and turned to look at Riku again.

“SORRY RIKU!”

Riku winced and brought a hand to his ear.  “Jeez.  Tone it down a bit.  You okay to continue?  I still never answered your actual question.”

“Ah."  Sora paused.  He double checked his eyes and, after another good rubbing at his face and a couple of smacks to his cheeks, Sora turned to face Riku.  "I’m good.”

Riku nodded with a small caring smile and cleared his throat.  “I…never really thought it was me that was doing all those things.  Xehanort’s Heartless–well, his heart, really–had my body.  A different person was in control.  But…” his smile faded as he gripped and relaxed his fists over and over, staring at them before continuing much quieter than before, “when I did get my body back, it wasn’t just his darkness I could still feel.  There were physical phantom memories of what he did.  They were muted, and felt so far off, but they were still…”

“Riku…”

Riku shook his head in response, putting clear effort into his smile.  “It still wasn’t me.  I don’t think that, and I never did.  But that was another part of how he still remains.  From the very beginning he was his own separate being, but we were still in-sync enough that I can feel these effects.  And it’s a little weird if I try to put too much thought into it.”

Sora nodded slowly, taking in all of Riku’s words.  What he said made sense, Sora thought, and he could clearly see how trying to draw too many parallels between Riku’s situation and his own would be futile.  It was still an interesting train of thought, though, and Sora filed it away for future reference.

“So, with that aside,” Sora broke the silence with a small sound from his throat, “do you mind if I ask you something specific about the year I was asleep?”

Riku’s only response was to nod, though it was clear even to Sora that he was a bit guarded.

Before asking the question, Sora made a point to give Riku a shove.  “Don’t worry!  It’s nothing too important."  He waited until Riku was much more visibly calm.

"So."  Sora shifted again to look at Riku with curiosity.  "What did you think of Xion and Roxas during that time?”

Riku blanched, but managed a laugh.  “ _Nothing too important_ , he says…yeesh.”

“Did I ask another bad question?”

“Oh, no, this one is better…I think, anyway.  But even if it’s not a big deal for me, isn’t it for you?”

“Well–hmm."  Sora actually didn’t really know what to think about Riku’s question, since he hadn’t really thought about it quite like that before asking.  All he knew was that hearing someone else talk about them–someone who had reasonable interaction with them while still knowing who they were–might help him straighten out things.  Though, truth be told, Sora still wasn’t entirely sure what he was trying to straighten out, so much as Roxas and a vague notion of "something isn’t right” was definitely involved somehow.

“I guess it is?” He finally replied, unsure how or why it felt important, but knowing that it definitely held value.

Riku shrugged in response, not quite wanting to delve into the inevitably confusing thoughts Sora had about all of this.  “I thought you always hated thinking about the tough stuff.  Guess you have grown up a bit."  He nudged Sora on his good arm and the two erupted into laughter amidst Sora’s protests.

When everything finally died down, Riku took a deep breath.  "Well…Ans…no, I think I should call him DiZ here.  DiZ was very adamant I don’t get too attached to them.  But when I watched them trying to live, and trying to _understand_ …it was hard _not_ to get attached to them."  Riku rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.  "I was thinking of you the whole time, but I hated having to do that to them.  'Till the very end…I almost didn’t want to believe Roxas was your Nobody.”

Sora’s head shifted to the side, forcing Riku to elaborate.  “There were things about him that were so different from you.  And I didn’t want to think that something like this had happened to you.  But…he was so like you.  He was so separate from you, but he was also so inseparable.  And that’s why it was so hard…”

“Even in…the virtual Twilight Town?”

Here Riku really did shift away from Sora, his mouth forming a hard line.  Riku didn’t know what kind of things Sora absorbed from Roxas, what kinds of memories or feelings they shared, so despite the reassurances Sora had offered earlier, Riku couldn’t help but be a little skeptical.  Sora was Sora, he wouldn’t hold any kind of negative feelings for Riku…and even though Riku was _well_ aware of that and had experienced Sora’s penchant for forgiveness first-hand, he still didn’t know where Sora and Roxas stood.

He had been rather paradoxical about it as of late, after all, which only made the situation worse.

For his part, Sora was actually rather quick on the uptake.  “Ah, nononono!  I don’t mean anything bad by that, I swear!"  He grabbed Riku’s face when he wouldn’t look him straight in the eye and forced their eye contact.  "Just…honest question.  The things I remember–ah, well, Roxas remembers–about that week in Twilight Town feel weird when comparing them with Xion’s memories.”

“Like?”

“Hmm…ah, the little wallet!"  Sora reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bag.  "This thing!  You took it from Roxas in front of the train station, remember?”

Riku, in disbelief, poked at the bag.  “You still _have_ that thing?.”

“Yeah!” Sora beamed, opening it and pulling out a small blue sphere.  “And the little gem as well.  So…explain?”

“Well…you know why they were at the station.  But I had asked DiZ to let them go.  He wouldn’t, though, saying it was a security risk…” Riku broke off with a sigh.  “I still don’t understand why he wouldn’t give him just that.  Even if things did work out alright in the end.”

Sora nodded, having come to a better understanding.  “Roxas thought you were pretty heartless, so the compassion Xion felt from you felt odd.  But it makes sense now.”

“Jeez, Sora!"  Riku laughed, putting his head in his hands.  "I’m amazed you can say stuff like that with a straight face.”

They both looked to each other at the same time, and once again they fell out into laughter.  As it subsided they helped each other up and dusted off their clothes.

“Thanks, Riku.”

“No problem.  I just hope you manage to find something useful out of it.”

Sora brought his hands behind his head and shifted side to side, a large grin finally returning to his face.  But he broke it off with a sudden “Oh!” and extended his arms to Riku.

“Riku!  I was talking to Lea earlier and–”

“Kairi, right?” He interrupted.  “I got 'er.  For right now, she’s in that training room by the arena.  I just gotta find Lea now.  She promised me that if I could just watch a match for those two, she wouldn’t tear up the rest of the tower fighting him.”

Sora’s sigh of relief was punctuated by fear, which inspired one of those giggles Sora liked hearing.

“She’s kinda scary when she gets serious, huh?”

“I swear on my life, Riku, please stop me if I ever do something that could get me on her bad side.”

Riku shrugged. “I’m not sure that’s possible, but I’ve got your back in any case.  In return, just tell me where you last saw Lea.”

“Oh!"  Sora turned around and motioned Riku to follow.  Once they rounded the corner, Sora pointed over the bushes and trees to the jutting water.  "Last I saw, he was with Ven in the garden, by the fountain over there.”

“Awesome, that makes things a lot easier for me.  In the meantime, go check up on Kairi?  I left her alone, and while I don’t think she’ll actually do anything…”

Sora brought his feet together and gave a salute, all in exaggerated motions.  “Yes, sir, Master Riku, sir!”

Sora ran off before Riku could swat him, but only after seeing the deep blush that colored his cheeks.

Up, far up in the tower, looking down on the playful scene from a large window, was a figure carefully hidden in its shadows.  He hadn’t bothered to wipe the tears that came falling down earlier, and the tracks they made on his cheeks were still faintly visible.  From his own pocket he had pulled a small bag, and from it a small, blue gem.  The movements made his right arm hurt, and he winced.

“You were so close, just now…” he whispered, and turned away from the window, gem still in hand.


	7. Part 6: Kairi

Though he no longer needed to run away from Riku, Sora continued running to his next destination.  He tried to convince himself that it was for a sense of urgency–that the sooner he fixed this, the sooner he could _really_ get back to living a care-free life.  But while that sentiment rung with truth, it fell far too flat on Sora’s ears.

And, more importantly, on his heart.

He kept wanting to bring his mind back to the moment under the tower, that feeling in his heart.  He was so close to something, but he didn’t know what that something was.

…No, that’s wrong.  He wasn’t sure he was comfortable with knowing.  Not yet.  Not until he was sure he had everything figured out…he had to.

He had to figure this out.

But not alone.  He didn’t want to be alone with this thoughts.  He needed to hear others speak, to see how they approached these issues and those similar.

So he ran.  Not for the urgency of the problem, but rather to escape his own head and bury himself in someone else’s thoughts and stories.

He could barely breathe when he finally reached the training room, and made a point to compose himself before slowly opening the door.

It was a smaller room, more like a storage closet really, with various training knickknacks strewn about on the floor and hanging from the walls and ceiling.  Sora didn’t come here often himself, usually leaving it up to Riku to pull out of here what they needed for the day, but he still clearly remembered his first visit here.

It was before everything was over, when training was still at its toughest.  Given that Lea had now joined them, as well as Riku’s new appointment to Master, Yen Sid had thought it was appropriate to let everyone in on the various facilities the tower had to offer.  This room had once functioned as a more traditional training room compared to the gym (which was primarily for sparring), but over those long-ago years Yen Sid had spent as a proper Keyblade Master he had apparently accumulated so much equipment that training within the room itself was difficult for more than one person, and so had advised them to simply move equipment in and out of the room (with some magical assistance) when necessary.

But what Sora actually remembered wasn’t the explanations for some of the older or more complicated equipment, nor was it the few spells Yen Sid had taught them to levitate them in and out of the room.  Rather, it was Lea standing behind him, slightly bent over Sora’s shoulder, painting some rather interesting images of Yen Sid training in Bermuda shorts with his beard tied up over his head to keep it out of the way.

Needless to say, nothing quite  _stuck_ with Sora that day the same way those images did, so Riku made sure he couldn’t touch any of the antiquated equipment without supervision.

While most of Sora’s memories of that time were difficult, it also had some of his most fondly remembered moments, so he couldn’t help but let out a small laugh upon entering.

And it was this laugh, rather than the sound of the door opening, that shook Kairi out of her concentration.  She had been carefully swinging around a strange Keyblade-shaped contraption with weights–some that were fixed, and some which moved around freely–as she tested various stances.  When she noticed Sora, she pulled a bit at her ponytail with an embarrassing smile.

“Isn’t this the kind of stuff you should be working on?” she asked, gesturing with the fake Keyblade in Sora’s direction.

Sora’s response was just to laugh.  He extended his hand towards Kairi, and she gladly set the contraption in his hand.  He moved it around a bit nervously (he had only ever practiced with this thing once or twice before, and never for very long) before carefully setting it on the floor, tongue stuck out in its direction.

“Man, that thing’s awkward.  Isn’t it kinda overkill?”

“Yeah, well, our Keyblades change all the time, right?  It’s just a more dynamic way of getting used to that.”  Kairi walked the few steps towards a large wooden crate–the only thing in the room usable as a bench–and motioned for Sora to follow.  He registered Kairi’s eyes flicking to his elbow, but since she didn’t say anything, neither did he.  He sat without a word, not really sure where to start.  He started to lean back on the crate but stopped when too much of his weight landed on his left arm, opting to lean forward instead.  After a few minutes of silence, Sora opened his mouth to speak–

–only for Kairi to start first.

“Have you been okay?  You didn’t seem right when we were in the training hall earlier.”  She gently grabbed Sora’s right hand and squeezed.  "Is it still Roxas?“

Sora sighed and returned Kairi’s gesture by squeezing her hand in turn, only to bring both of his hands up to his face and groan.  "I mean it was awkward with  _everyone_ at first, but for some reason it’s just  _painful_ with him.  And now I have too much to think about.  I wonder if going around like this was actually a good idea…”

Kairi laughed in sympathy and ran her hand through Sora’s hair.  But then she abruptly brought her hands to her lap and turned slightly to face Sora, who watched her as she moved.

 _Sitting like that…her and Namine really do look alike_. _I never thought about it looking at Roxas, but to other people, does he…do we…?_

“Did you want to try talking about it with me?”  She said softly, searching Sora’s eyes.  She didn’t want to cause anymore stress for him, and would only open conversation if she was sure it was what he really wanted.  She could already tell that something was amiss in the way he was staring at her.

Sora’s eyes finally broke off from Kairi and searched the room.  He gave it a minute or so of serious thought before finally looking back at Kairi–who hadn’t moved an inch–and slowly nodding.

“Okay,” Kairi nodded, “so where do you want to start?”

“Well,” Sora said, tilting his head.  He chewed on his tongue, trying to get the words together.  "Well, can I ask you?  About…you and Namine?“

Kairi intertwined her fingers and pursed her lips in thought.  "Namine and I have talked about our relationship a lot, and from what she’s gathered, there are a few differences.”

“Differences…?”

“Yeah. It’s like…” She gestured aimlessly at the air in front of her.  "Well, do you feel things from Roxas?  Or even from Xion or Ven?“

Sora nodded quietly.  But at Kairi’s questioning gaze, he verbally answered.  "It’s different for each of them.  But I get waves of thoughts or memories from Xion, and feelings or emotions from Ven.  It’s like there’s static, though.  From Roxas…well, I don’t really know yet.”

He reached to grip at his left arm, still careful of the bruise.  

“Ah, so that’s why you still…?”

A quiet, sheepish nod.

Content with that, Kairi continued.  "When Namine and I are together, we can choose to feel each other’s thoughts and emotions.  Kinda like conversation.  But sometimes, even when we’re apart, when things are strong enough…“  Kairi clutched at her chest and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Kairi?”  Sora gently rubbed Kairi’s back and squeezed her shoudler.  "You okay?“

Kairi let out a weak laugh.  There was a distant pain in her eyes, and Sora wasn’t sure how to parse it.

"I am okay.  But  _I_ am not.”

Sora furrowed his brows and shifted to get a better look at Kairi’s face.  "But…how can you be okay and  _not_ okay at the same time?“

Kairi’s eyes flitted to Sora a few times before resting on the floor, a small sigh escaping her lips.  Sora could have sworn he heard a small  _aha_ in there somewhere, but decided to let it go for more important things.

"Namine’s been feeling a bit restless recently, I think.  It doesn’t help that I haven’t been able to visit her, so I don’t actually know for sure.”  Kairi suddenly stood up and shook out her legs.  "Well, I know I’ve been _feeling_ restless and cooped up, but I don’t think that’s me.  I think it's  _me_ …or, well, her.  No…no, I know it’s her.  This is her I’m feeling.“

Sora watched Kairi as she walked around, one hand gesticulating wildly while the other remained at her chest, her eyes darting from place to place.  There was a lot about this conversation that Sora felt he wanted to grab at, to take into his own heart and wrap up for his own use, but wasn’t sure where to start or even  _why_ he was feeling that way in the first place.  The feelings were too blurred or distant, somehow.

"Ah! …aaaah!!”  Sora all but launched to his feet, startling Kairi and making her jump in the process.  But he paid her no mind (and Kairi wasn’t sure she could blame him, with that near-crazed look in his eyes), instead staring at his hands as he flexed them into and out of fists.

“Sora…?” Kairi ventured, reaching towards Sora.  She was almost at his shoulder when he screamed for a second time, once again startling her.

This time, though, Sora seemed to have realized what he did, and moved to Kairi.  "Sorry!!  Oh man, I’m so sorry I freaked you out like that, but suddenly a couple of things make sense!“

Kairi couldn’t respond–no, she felt it was better not to, not quite yet–and simply silently urged Sora on.

"It’s just…oh man, where do I start!  First…is that why you’ve been so crazy with Lea today?”

“Ah.”

“If you think nobody noticed…” He let the sentence hang, though the implication reached Kairi just fine.

“Yeah…yeah, that was a big part of it.  That frustration…I kind of lashed out at him, since Lea was the easiest target.”  Kairi said with a sheepish laugh, and Sora couldn’t help but join her.

Sora stared at Kairi, and she could tell he wasn’t quite convinced that was everything.  She relented with a sigh and quietly summoned her Keyblade.

“Even though I was able to do something in the fight against Xehanort, I’m still so inexperienced.”  She stared at the Keyblade with reverence and pride, and more than a bit of trepidation.  

“You’ve done so well, though, Kairi.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone get so strong so quickly!  And Master Aqua is proud of you too!”  Sora’s smile was so genuine that it almost hurt Kairi.

“I know…I know that.  And I’m so,  _so_ glad.  But my own fears and Namine’s fears have mixed up inside of me.  And I just want to make sure I can fight on my own terms.  I don’t want to be a bargaining piece or a puppet in anyone’s game anymore.  And that’s why I’ve been going after Lea…”

Sora squinted his eyes in thought.  "What does he have to do with it?“

Kairi laughed, which only served to confuse Sora even more.  "He fights dirtier than you or Riku do.  And he’s so good at it, too.  Fighting him is kind of like studying, for me.”

“…ah.  Actually, I think I can see that.”  Sora tilted his head and stared at the ceiling, biting his lip.  "Training with him actually turned out to be a big help against the other Organization members, now that I think about it.“

"See?”  Kairi brought a hand to her mouth as she laughed, and her entire posture felt more relaxed to Sora.

“So, what else?  You said there were a couple of things that made sense.”

“Oh yeah!”  Sora raised his arms in excitement and started bouncing on his toes.  "Well, the second and biggest thing is that I’m an idiot!“

Kairi raised a single thin eyebrow, as if to ask  _And you’re just now figuring that out?_.  The excited way in which he announced it didn’t help matters.  Sora waved his hands with a laugh.

"No!  I mean, I know what you’re talking about with Namine, with the feelings.  I’m used to accidentally getting stuff from him–I mean, this is why this all started in the first place, because of what I’ve been feeling from him–but all through today I’ve gotten some really  _weird_ sensations.”

“Weird?  How weird?”  Kairi finally drew closer to Sora again and grabbed his shoulders.  She steered him back towards the crate.

“Well,” he continued as Kairi was driving him backwards, “I felt it really strongly when Roxas arrived, but I haven’t felt anything like that afterwards…and all the weird things I’ve been feeling have been muted, or just  _quieter_ than normal.”

His feet hit the crate, and Kairi took that as a sign to change the direction of her pressure and force him to sit back down.  She plopped down beside him, staring at him with what Sora could only describe as curiosity, though there was definitely something else behind there.

“So you think…um.  What  _do_ you think?”

“You mentioned that you and Namine could have mental conversations at will, right?” He asked, looking to Kairi for confirmation.  When she gave it as a nod, he continued.  "Did you have to…I dunno, practice?“

Kairi’s eyes widened in understand.  "Yeah, we did.  But you and Roxas haven’t spent much time together to get that right, have you?”

Sora nodded.  "Maybe…maybe when you’re far away from each other, you don’t really notice that someone else is picking up on things you feel.  But if you’re close together…“

"So you’re saying he noticed.”  Kairi confirmed.

“Yeah.  And I think he’s been trying to stop it…I guess Roxas would have a better grasp on this than me, since I have no idea what kind of stuff he’d feel from me.”  He brought his hands behind his head and started swaying while he thought back on his actions that day.  "Yeah, I have no idea.  I can feel others really well, but I can’t tell when they can feel me.“

Kairi quietly nodded as she listened to Sora, and her gaze drifted to Sora’s chest.  "That could be a side-effect of all the connections you had, though I’m not sure I could explain it properly.”

A comfortable silence stretched between them.  For his part, Sora was still trying to mull over everything that had happened to him that day.  He had hoped that some of this conversation would shed light on confusing events from earlier, but he kept going back to a question he had regarding Kairi’s tirade about Namine.

“Kairi, when you talked about Namine, why did you refer to her as ’ _I_ ’?  That’s not…how it should be.”

While Sora had expected Kairi to be startled, what he was instead greeted with was a small smile.  She hummed a bit, as if something had been confirmed, but didn’t actually answer.

“Kairi?”

She stood and turned to face Sora, hand extended in invitation.  Sora took it and stood as well.  They never looked away from each other’s eyes.

“Sora, I think you should go visit Namine.”

“H-hey!  That’s not an answer!”

But Kairi only shook her head.  "I think she’ll be able to answer it better than I can.  And also,“ her tone changed from wistful to much more curious, "I think you should ask Namine about what we’ve talked about.  About whether or not she knows I can feel her…and about the connection you and Roxas have.  If anyone knows, it would be her.”

It was clear to Sora that Kairi wasn’t going to answer him, so he nodded in defeat.  They squeezed each other’s hands one more time before finally letting go, and Sora walked towards the door.  As he left, Kairi looked at him with a gentle smile, and he could see the worry in her eyes.

He slowly made his way towards the front of the tower, mentally preparing himself for a trip away from The Mysterious Tower.  He still wasn’t quite used to using the Keyblade as a mode of transportation, but Ven had taught him well enough that he was sure he’d be able to get there in one piece.  But as he walked to the ledge of the floating island and summoned his Keyblade, he felt a twisting sensation in his heart, like a veil was being lifted.

“…Roxas…left?”  Sora whispered in confusion.  He closed his eyes and focused.  There was definitely a thread there, and though Sora was surprised he was able to find it he was certain he could follow it.

But what was more surprising was the direction it was heading it.

_Castle Oblivion_

Roxas must certainly know where Sora was going, of that Sora had no doubt.  After everything he had felt today, there was no way Roxas wasn’t keeping tabs on him.

So if Roxas was so determined to avoid him, why go to the place he was about to set out for?

He remembered the feeling under the tower, when he was with Riku.  That feeling of being denied something–some  _feeling_ –very important, and how badly he wanted to grasp it at the time.  But then how scared he was of it afterwards, and how he ran away from confronting it.

Was Roxas watching him?  Was he watching the way Sora struggled?  Were those feelings, at that moment…were those Roxas’s emotions he was feeling, even as he tried so hard to hide them?  And was Sora pushing those aside for his own peace of mind?

And just now, with Kairi.  When she was speaking about feeling Namine, Sora had definitely  _felt_ something..but was that him, or was that Roxas?

Sora smiled sadly, but it very quickly turned into something genuine and bright.  He felt like Roxas was issuing a challenge of some kind, and there was no way he wouldn’t take it on.  He would try to open his heart a little more, and maybe then he would finally be able to figure out what he so desperately wanted to understand.

With these feelings of Roxas and the question Kairi left unanswered stirring in his mind, Sora departed for Castle Oblivion.


End file.
